A Journal

"I'm going to come back to West Virginia when this is over. There's something ancient and deeply-rooted in my soul. I like to think that I have left my ghost up one of those hollows, and I'll never really be able to leave for good until I find it. And I don't want to look for it, because I might find it and have to leave".----Breece D'J Pancake, in a letter to his mother. 

John Mortara




there's this website i keep coming back to
every day. it's a randomized youtube playlist
of people smiling. they gesture like they are
hugging the camera so you kind of feel like
you're the one that's being hugged. there's
this voicemail on my phone that i refuse to
delete. it's a 3 minute pocket-dialed noise
section of the the other night when i was
skin. i play the voicemail for people
everywhere i go: you can kind of hear
danielle or someone else that sounds just
like danielle say the word 'mathematics' over
and over. there's this note in my journal
called 'my complicated relationship with
dance.' sometimes i would bike from one
side of the city to the other side of the city
for no apparent reason. mathematics. i was
talking to you long distance with my bags at
my feet on belmont and someone who
looked just like becky but wasn't becky at all
smiled and waved at me like it would all be
okay. i keep adding 3 hours to everything i
do whenever i do it but i asked becky about
it and that was definitely not becky on
belmont. mathematics. is bilocation a thing?
becky seems confident bilocation was what
she was doing. mathematics. there's this spot
by the river i would really like to show you
before this fraction of the world vanishes
from me completely. mathematics. at this
point i miss you so hard that i'd stand at the
end of burnside with my mouth open to eat
all of the traffic between us. subtract 3.

I've kept a green 3 uno card in my wallet since 2006. it has a very strong protection spell attached to it and I  hope to turn to dust before the card does.
















 John Mortara is winner of the 1992 Kindergarten Foot Race at Veteran's Memorial Park in Pearl River, NY and a recipient of mail. johnmortara is poet laureate of FEELING VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. they have a website that's conveniently located at their newest collection of poetry 'some planet' is forthcoming from yesyes books.