A Journal

"I'm going to come back to West Virginia when this is over. There's something ancient and deeply-rooted in my soul. I like to think that I have left my ghost up one of those hollows, and I'll never really be able to leave for good until I find it. And I don't want to look for it, because I might find it and have to leave".----Breece D'J Pancake, in a letter to his mother. 

Rebecca Dutsar 




Old Habits with a New Lover


Halfway through the role-play,
I could not find a creative way to 
get out of giving him the pleasure
and proceeded to wrestle off his jeans.
I kept my eyes fixed on his glazed forehead
and soft smile I could not find it in me to return.
Holding my breath, I slipped my fingers below his boxers
as he apologized for sweating so much.
Instead of apologizing for my heart 
beating all too quickly,
I said nothing, and instead, kissed 
the kite of skin between his eyebrows
until all was made inevitable.



My parents are high school sweethearts, and my father gave my mother a teddy bear named Columbus when they first started dating. When I was a child, I brought him in for show-and-tell at school and accidentally got red glitter glue on his fur. I thought my mother would be upset with me, but she wasn’t. Instead, she let me keep him. Even though Columbus was nothing but a toy to me then, he now acts as a reminder that love doesn’t always have to hurt and that the good and healthy kinds will last, even if things get a little messy from time to time.


Rebecca Dutsar is an enthusiastic 20-year-old from Newtown, CT. Currently, she is studying writing at Ithaca College. Her work has appeared in That Lit Site, The Harpoon Review,and Buzzsaw Magazine.