Rebecca Dutsar
Old Habits with a New Lover
Halfway through the role-play,
I could not find a creative way to
get out of giving him the pleasure
and proceeded to wrestle off his jeans.
I kept my eyes fixed on his glazed forehead
and soft smile I could not find it in me to return.
Holding my breath, I slipped my fingers below his boxers
as he apologized for sweating so much.
Instead of apologizing for my heart
beating all too quickly,
I said nothing, and instead, kissed
the kite of skin between his eyebrows
until all was made inevitable.
My parents are high school sweethearts, and my father gave my mother a teddy bear named Columbus when they first started dating. When I was a child, I brought him in for show-and-tell at school and accidentally got red glitter glue on his fur. I thought my mother would be upset with me, but she wasn’t. Instead, she let me keep him. Even though Columbus was nothing but a toy to me then, he now acts as a reminder that love doesn’t always have to hurt and that the good and healthy kinds will last, even if things get a little messy from time to time.