A Journal

"I'm going to come back to West Virginia when this is over. There's something ancient and deeply-rooted in my soul. I like to think that I have left my ghost up one of those hollows, and I'll never really be able to leave for good until I find it. And I don't want to look for it, because I might find it and have to leave".----Breece D'J Pancake, in a letter to his mother. 

 RJ Equality




Scrub jay torn in three on my way to work
Took an effort to not burry but I was late
Im always running late & arrive too early
Wondered what would kill only to leave it
Two students were killed at a college since
I started writing this & this wasnt gonna
Be another fucking sonnet but the woman
In the off marble pearls cries on camera
That campus is on lockdown they always are
I shouldnt take my students outside but do
Class outside makes them so California happy
I dont know what I would do to save them
Brenda says your values change the moment
you can do something to protect another 








I trace the outline of the maze w/ my finger
Yesterday was Saturday this is not true & yes
Age qualifies us to worry about our parents
They too are buried in shelves of dust
For the first time I worry myself awake w/out
The coy smile I fell in love w/ in high school
I am not in a good place w/ myself & afraid
I will stop imagining the invisible bats who
Carried me home safe all those decades ago
I am not in a good place w/ myself & afraid
Those bats were not even a little invisible
Roll this spell inside your sleeves. Today you
Dont have to love yourself as much as you
Love others. Say that aloud. Repeat it. Again. 




I'm attaching a picture of my sonnet timer. I found it at a Target when I moved to Oakland. It runs for 14 minutes so I give myself that much time to write & revise my daily sonnets.


RJ Equality lives in California with his fiancé & three legged cat Brenda. They graduated from Saint Mary's College of California with an MFA in Poetry and Creative Nonfiction. They work at Starbucks & work as a lecturer at the Saint Marry's College of California Center for Writing Across the Curriculum. Recent work can be found in Gabby, Alice Blue, White Stag, among others. Brenda lost a leg catching Magikarp.